Inspired by/response to I'm Tired, by Robert A. Hall, mistakenly attributed to Bill Cosby.
I'm tired too. I have cerebral palsy and chronic pain caused by osteoarthritis. I just received my college degree after eight years of fighting with the university. I've been trying for at least the last four years to find work without so much as a callback for an interview. I'm tired of the cycle of "I can't get work because I have no experience, and I can't get experience because I can't get work." I'm tired of people calling me lazy for it. I'm tired of being denied benefits because people without disabilities tell me that I am not disabled either, especially after living my entire life and having my disability affect me several times a day.
I'm tired of disability benefits being called "benefits". It's not a benefit, it's a necessity for people like me (and I can't get it). I'm tired of people telling me what I can and cannot do, or what I should and should not do. Everybody says "just go get a job", but if it was that easy, none of this would be an issue. I'm tired of hearing that going to college means I'm not disabled. I'm tired of people telling me I'm attempting to take advantage of the system that was put in place for people like me. I'm tired of being denied government help, tired of lawyers telling me I have no case against the government. I'm tired of dealing with employment agencies that only exist because discrimination is constant, even though the government and these agencies will never admit it. I'm tired of getting criticized for not responding to people fast enough, tired of calling people to make sure they are doing their jobs, and tired of being an option for these people when society makes them a necessity for me.
I'm tired of people coming to me to complain about their jobs when I don't have one. I don't mean everyone, if you're being harassed or if working conditions are subpar, those complaints are valid, but "I hate working 9 to 5" will draw nothing more than "give me your job, I need it" out of me. I'm tired of hearing about the bad state of the economy when people like this have jobs. I'm tired of people questioning a work ethic that I haven't even had the opportunity to show. "Make an effort", "be more motivated", "change your attitude", I'm sick of all this. I'm tired of people telling me to contribute to society when I can't even get out on my own.
I'm tired of people telling me when I'm disabled and when I'm not. Maybe things like Medicaid and Social Security payments are called "benefits" because it's become obvious that people take advantage of them. I'm tired of people who reach for their Medicaid card and have an iPhone fall out of their pocket; people seem to think I'd use the payments the same way, but there is zero chance of that. I'm tired of people determining my needs based on my family's income. People need to stop believing I can be treated like a child my whole life, I'm already too old for that.
I'm tired of telling people all this stuff, tired of them not understanding me and THEN criticizing me. I'm tired, but as long as people lump me in with those who deserve the criticism, I can't give up. Now I'm just tired too, I have to stop here and hope the message is clear.
